I stopped trying to get people to “communicate” or find better ways of managing their issues.  Instead, I began to concentrate on helping the leader become better defined and to learn how to deal adroitly with the sabotage that almost invariably followed any success in this endeavor.  Soon I found that the rest of the family was “in therapy” whether or not they came into my office. For it is the integrity of the leader that promotes the integrity or prevents the “dis-integr-ation” of the system he or she is leading.

Edwin Friedman, A Failure of Nerve